Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
