i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
