ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
