Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
