I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
