I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
