Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
