I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
