Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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