I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
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they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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