we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
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And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
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Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
True strength comes from lack of pants
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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