THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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