Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize