Well apparently he's into motor boating.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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