I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Randomize
