I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
