i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
