yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
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Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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