Barsexuality is the new black.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
