I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
