i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
