Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
