shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
