so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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