i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
