haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i drank out of a bidet.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
