Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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