you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
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