When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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