Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
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