to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I could fuck to npr.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
