her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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