i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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