oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
