that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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