i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
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I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
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New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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