I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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