Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
