Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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