my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
