what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
