its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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