During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
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im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
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Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
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