if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
