I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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