When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
