I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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