I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
