I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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