We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
