Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
They are going to name an STD after you.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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