He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
