You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
