I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
