Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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