Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
