Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
