If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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