I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
