I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
