I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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