Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
