you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
