So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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