they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
