And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
