hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
