I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
