she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I will pee on everything he values.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
