i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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