I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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