the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
did you just send me my own nude
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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