But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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