I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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