i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
