I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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