he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
