My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
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