Rock
Scissors
Fuck
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
